fic commentary: with faltering breath (scc/inception; part one)

[noblealice.livejournal.com]

Title: With Faltering Breath - PART 1/3 [FIC COMMENTARY]
Fandoms: Inception/Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: set some years after the film and in early S1 of T:SCC
Word Count: 2,000+



[I don’t know when I first thought of writing this crossover (I mean, I was inspired by the graphic, but I can't pinpoint the moment I actually decided to write a fic), but it’s pretty ridiculous and don’t expect much people to read/like it. I mean, the overlap of Inception and SCC fans is probably pretty slim and while I hope one doesn’t have to be overly familiar with both fandoms, I know this is less confusing if someone has prior knowledge of at least SCC]

"I agree with John. This doesn’t seem safe. There is an eighty seven percent chance of discovery of John’s identity, leading to a forty five percent chance of John’s death."

[I never ever start fics with dialogue, especially not dialogue that doesn’t immediately identify the speaker. But I needed their situation to be a bit mysterious and so I couldn’t describe Sarah, John and Cameron’s surroundings. In fact, this fic probably has about 90% more dialogue than I normally write. It always makes me nervous because I always feel like I’m telling my audience instead of showing them, but sometimes not everything can be conveyed with a silent facial gesture (especially if crossing over two fandoms, so some readers may not be aware of the other fandom and need a bit of extra explanation)]

Sarah brought her arms in close for warmth, wishing this city were more like the jungles of John’s youth. As soon as the sun set, a chill set in her bones and despite how much destruction she had seen at the hands of fire, she would always be more comfortable in the heat.

"I’m only trying to do what you asked." She addressed John, ignoring Cameron. "All I want to do is stop what’s coming so you never have to live in the future I saw."

"You mean the future where he knows me?" Sarah stiffened, unable to read Cameron's rigid posture. It was a rare moment when she wished the damn things could show emotion, it might make them easier to read. She didn't like unpredictable variables, especially when it came to John.

"No. I mean the future where three quarters of the human race is dead and the remaining few have to battle everyday for their lives." Her whispered tone grew sharp and harsh, causing all three of them to pause and look over their shoulders. Luckily, the stranger on the couch hadn’t woken up.

"Mom, I’m grateful for everything you do, for everything you’re trying to prevent." He lifted his hand up to her arm and she tried to steel herself against its warming effect. "But you’ve always told me not to include outsiders. Isn’t that why we left Charlie?" His low blow hurt and she had to study the wood grain of the cheap apartment for a few moments. She knew she couldn’t look him in the eyes yet, not before her resolve hardened.

She almost relented, but John was too young to become a soldier. She needed more time.

[In my head, this is very early in the first season. I can’t place it between any particular episodes, but it is prior to meeting Derek. Of course, SCC and the terminator canon in general has had time issues, so I don’t feel that bad messing with time. I mean, one could argue that only a few months passed throughout the whole series, but when we see Derek’s grave, it reads 2009 instead of 2008, which it should logically be if John hasn’t had another birthday./scc geekery]

John continued on, letting her collect her thoughts. "Why don’t we try breaking into his house instead? We could obtain the information by downloading it from his laptop. It’s not as protected as his work computer."

"He has taken to sleeping in his office; apparently he is being counselled for believing a phantom is following him."

Sarah cuts Cameron off before she gives them the name of his psychiatrist or other irrelevant information. "I thought you were the stealth model? Isn’t that the whole point of this." She looked Cameron up and down, reflecting again how unsuitable she looked for bodyguard duty.

[Two things here: 1)I wanted to plant an early mention of the doctor they visit in season 2, not for any reasons for the fic, I mean, he doesn’t show up later, but just for my own personal canon issues and hoping to blend this within the universe of the show. 2) Since this is fairly early, Sarah is still very hostile to Cameron. I mean, she never really warms up to her, but their relationship is a little less antagonistic by the end of S2. So although it felt weird having to write Sarah be so harsh, this is early in their partnership and she probably hates/distrusts/suspects this THING that is the perfect shape to tempt her son. She must constantly be thinking ‘Why would John send this particular cyborg back?’]

"I exhibited many signs of stealth when I drugged him. He awoke in the exact same position a few hours later with no knowledge of my presence. He is merely paranoid from lack of sleep and over indulgence in energy drinks. It is common among computer technicians and code-writers in his field and with his clearance level."

"You didn’t show too much stealth when you drove through a wall when we escaped." Sarah bit back.

"John Connor’s safety is my main priority, not building integrity—"

John stood between them, arms up. "Alright, this is not helping. I remember all too well what happened last time."

"Are you sure? Because there is no way we are going anywhere near their building again. We got blindsided! This time, we are going to approach it from the outside, through the mind of one of their less paranoid employees. Surely he has an assistant with the appropriate clearance level who will not suspect anything while she’s peacefully asleep."

"This technology is highly unstable and untested on the general population. It could hold unknown dangers."

"It also means that no-one gets killed. And I know that doesn’t mean much to you, Tin Miss, but for me, that tips the scale."

[I loved being able to use Tin Miss because I don't imagine Sarah calling Cameron by her name very often, in fact, in the show she avoids it and while she doesn't make a point of correcting people who assume that Cameron is her daughter, she will still make the distinction. To Sarah, Cameron isn't a female. She is a thing, an it. But for the purposes of this fic (so many people meeting for the first time and thus not knowing names leads to A LOT of vague pronouns) I had to have Sarah refer to Cameron by her name.]

She doesn’t want to ask John for the tie-breaking vote, doesn’t know if she can still depend on him to always side with her. Instead she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, marking the matter closed. In this world, debate was a luxury they couldn't afford. Her word had to be law if she wanted to keep John safe.

The girl on the couch was stirring and she nodded at John. "Do what you can for her. We need her alive."


---


"Ariadne, you can’t just yell ‘shit, shit, someone’s shooting at me’ and then not pick up your phone for an hour!" Arthur pounded on the door to her flat with his fist. "Dammit, Ariadne! Your doorman told me you’re here. Now let me in."

[Originally, my fic started with this line. For a long time, this was all I had in a word file. I still like it and it keeps with another part being opened up with a non-specified speaker.]

A harsh-looking brunette opened the door a sliver, her clothes were ripped and bloody and Arthur wondered how this tiny slip of a girl, who was not that much taller than Ariadne, had gotten so roughed up.

"Care to keep it down?" She said, monotone. Her eyes never strayed from his, like a stubborn watchdog intent on following its master’s orders.

[Hee. Oh Cameron. I don't know how well it translated, but I can see this vividly in my head. Which is perhaps the reason why I didn't describe it very much.]

Through the wedge he could see that Ariadne’s apartment didn’t look any messier than usual, but was worried when he couldn’t hear her voice calling for him.

His worry must have distracted him, or else this girl was stronger than she looked because he couldn’t edge past the teenager. In fact, he felt like she let him in only after a voice from inside said it was okay.

[Yes, Arthur, it is totally your worry for Ariadne and not at all the fact that she is built out of heavy-duty metal. *pats him* I have a feeling that Arthur would be totally okay with women being better than him in certain areas, but that it's a place of pride for him to be the best marksman ect and thus feel threatened by Cameron. Not that he knows WHY she is such a perfect shot. It will just ruffle his feathers a bit so Ariadne has to give him a kiss on the forehead to smooth out the wrinkles.]

Forgetting the battle-scarred girl, he rushed to where Ariadne lay unmoving on the couch. "Are you shot? Please tell me you’re not shot." He held his fingers to her wrist, checking her pulse.

"She’s been grazed, it’s not too deep." The voice came from above him and he looked up to find a far more intimidating woman staring down at him, she was older and held more tension in her upper body. She wore a sling but that was as far as he got cataloguing potentially useful injuries to exploit because the barrel of her automatic was held with steady hands only a few inches from his nose.

[And it's a badass showdown! I think I originally had them at a Mexican Standoff with both of them having their guns drawn, but it makes more sense for Arthur to be at a disadvantage here. Sure, he knows the location better than they do, but Ariadne is injured and she has to be his first priority. Plus, Sarah's the original badass, sorry Arthur.]

He shifted his position slightly, enough so that if needed, he could break out of his crouch to face her. The weight of the gun he wore tucked into the back of his pants was a familiar and reassuring friend. Other than the expressionless teenager that was silently standing with her back to him by the window and there was only one other person in the apartment, a scrawny kid holding used gauze in his fist, frozen by the standoff.

Arthur thought that he could probably take them. "I don’t care who you are, I’m taking her to a hospital."

He felt a slight pressure on his arm; it was Ariadne feebly trying to hold him down. "Arthur, they saved my life. I trust them."

"You trust the people with a gun pointed at my face?"

"Well, it’s not pointed at my face..." She gave a half-hearted smile and he noticed how pale she looked. He sighed.

"How about we argue some more after I look you over, okay? I don’t want you bleeding out on me because you’re stubborn."

He saw that a med kit had already been laid out on the floor next to her leg, where she was still bleeding freely from a slash to her upper thigh. There was no pressure on the wound at the moment and he struggled to fit the scissors in his left hand as his right pressed a clean cloth to her thigh. Soon he had enough of her jeans cut to remove the blood-encrusted denim without jostling her too much.

By now, the mystery woman seemed to decide that he wasn’t a threat since she finally lowered her gun. "We were talking about a possible job when it happened. We want to hire you."

"We’re not available right now. We’re short a person and in case you haven’t noticed, you’ve wounded my other associate."

He was trying to concentrate on finding antiseptic and topical anaesthetic in the kit, but instead of being calmly opened, it had been spilled onto the floor by someone who was obviously less at ease at the sight of blood than him.

[In my head, John is acting tough but still quite scared. He wants more responsibility, but he also gets too close. He was severly affected by a suicide committed in front of him and it's only very late in S2 when he can look dispassionately at violence (for example, his calm composure upon identifying Riley's body) so here he's still a bit nervous around blood. If he or his mother is injured, they can walk it off, but this is a stranger and he doesn't want to see her die on his account.]

Of course, Arthur had never seen Ariadne’s blood before and now his searching fingers, normally so precise and steady during high pressure situations, suddenly seemed numb and clumsy with panic. Embarrassingly enough, he even found himself fumbling with the needle and thread he’d need.

[I never fully decided how far into Arthur and Ariadne’s relationship I wanted this fic to be set, but I love the idea of the cool-headed Arthur becoming a tiny bit frazzled when it comes to Ariadne being injured]

The imposing woman’s cold voice broke into his frantic thoughts, interrupting the steps he was repeating to himself. "That was merely a tiny aspect of our life bleeding over into the meeting. It’s not like this every day."

He sent her a steely glare before casting his eyes over the two teenagers. Getting up abruptly, he moved into her personal space, enjoying the advantage of his height, however slight. "And what is it that you do exactly?" She kept his eye contact, but shifted her weight slightly. "Or should I say, what did you do that has you so hunted?"

[I don't actually know if JGL is taller than Lena. Probably not, as she is an amazon goddess, but he needed to challenge her at this point in the fic. I didn't see Arthur just placidly accepting this situation and to hear someone so cavalierly saying 'it's merely a tiny aspect of our life, bleeding over' when Ariadne is SHOT would get him mad. It also sets up a bit of understanding between them because although Sarah doesn't say anything, Arthur sees a bit of kinship with a fellow soldier trying to live in the underground of a civilian world. We already know from Sarah's dreams in "Some Must Watch While Some Must Sleep" that she still has ghosts that haunt her.]

She blinks at that, a sense of shame flitting across her face and if he were as curious as Ariadne, he’d wonder about her past. As it was, he needed to focus on the moment.

Arthur prepared himself for a wild yet sympathetic tale when suddenly Ariadne stirred below them in pain and the woman suddenly softened, the lie she was about to tell fading from her face.

"We don’t talk about it." Her tone was lowered, almost revenant. Her hand hovered over Ariadne’s forehead, before she hastily brought it back to her side. For a split second he actually saw her as a mother, afraid of waking her child.

The image didn’t last long, as she was soon back to her previous demeanour, her arms crossed tightly across her chest. As someone who prided himself on keeping things close to the chest, he admired how fast she had tucked away her vulnerability back under her armour.

He broke their staring contest, once again bending down to Ariadne. When she spoke next, it was to the air about a foot above his head. "Besides, it doesn’t matter. We will do our best to assure your safety while we work together."

He would have rolled his eyes if his task of tending to Ariadne didn’t demand constant attention. "Why would we want to be around people who get shot at on a daily basis?"

"Because this is bigger than us."

"I’ve heard that before. You’re not the first client that’s tried to sell us the moon, filled with honourable intentions while they’re really taking advantage of the people they profess to care about. I don’t care about your sob story."

During their discussion, Ariadne had tried to roll over, but it was too much and she let out a small moaned in pain from pursed lips. He could see how hard she was trying to disguise her agony and it brought him back to reality. "Consider this closed for discussion, we’re on vacation."

"She tells me you need an extractor?"

He glared at Ariadne for breaching protocol and putting them all at risk but her eyes were now closed against his anger. Her breathing hadn’t gotten any shallower, so odds were that she was faking it to avoid a fight.

Of course, he couldn’t risk the fact that she may have legitimately fainted from loss of blood or shock.

[I can totally picture Ariadne faking it to avoid being yelled at by Arthur. Clever girl. note: Some may say that she is OOC in this series and I can see where they are coming from as I wrote Ariadne more like Ellen Page in this fic than as the brash woman we see in the movie. She was setting out to prove herself and was acting as a therapist to Dom by the end. Of course, in this fic, she's more comfortable as she's been working with Arthur for a while now and is allowing more of her friendly personality to filter out because she knows he will still respect her as a professional even if she teases him and makes jokes.]

He pointed to the young boy in the corner who had obviously been looking after Ariadne until he took over. "Has she had anything for the pain?"

"Uh, not yet. I was going--" Before he could say more, the woman interrupted. "I could do it."

"Do what?" Arthur's words were muffled with the needle between his lips, measuring out a dose.

It took a moment for her meaning to push past his present task and into his consciousness; he almost dropped the needle in shock.

"Wait, you want to be the extractor?" He was tempted to laugh, but he couldn’t risk the movement. "Sorry, but this isn’t the type of thing for tourists."

"Send me in. You’ll see how much of a tourist I am."

[This is originally where it ended in my first draft and I still quite like it. It would end the chapter with Sarah issuing this challenge, but in my first draft the whole story took place in one afternoon. When I went back, I realized that Arthur would not even consider anything until Ariadne was fully healed, and so needed to set up a break before they met again.]

Arthur bristled, ready to spring up again but this time with his gun in hand, when the teenage girl coughed from behind. It was the most noise she had made since he'd entered the room. "This argument is irrelevant, as nothing can happen immediately. The girl needs time to repair herself."

The boy stepped forward, into the light, giving Arthur his first good look at him. He was thin and lanky, his clothes were the most dishevelled despite being clearly the least injured from whatever had landed Ariadne in this mess. "She's right. Nothing can happen right now, so we sleep on it and keep in touch. Cameron?"

The adolescent girl nodded, understanding the kid’s implied order perfectly and instinctively Arthur knew he’d have to be pretty crafty if he wanted to lose this tail. With no idea why, he had a sense that it would take all his cunning to avoid being kept under surveillance by someone whose nails were painted a painfully bright pink.

[So I've attempted multi-part fics before and never finished them, but I am DETERMINED this time! In fact, I vowed not to post this until the second part was already completed. So the wait will only be one week between chapters instead of forever.]