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noblealiceworksTitle: The Burden of Attachment
Rating: PG
Character(s): Cara (slight Cara/Kahlan)
Spoilers: post 2x10 “Perdition”
Summary: How perceptive you are, Confessor, asking if I could possibly be unsettled the night before a big raid. Clearly your skills of reading the Mord’Sith are improving.
Word Count: 1,500
AN: Huge thanks go out to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hjea, who beta'd this. She taught me grammar and put up with my crazy tense changes. She is a peach! Any remaining mistakes are purely my own.
AN2: This is my first time writing Cara and it was difficult, (you really have to use a whole different vocabulary when delving into her mindset) but ultimately fun!
Cara was proud to be Mord’Sith. She knew she was needed and that gave her purpose. She knew that she was strong when others were weak and that gave her satisfaction. She had survived a great upheaval in her life, one that had torn asunder her beliefs and her family. She was living a very different sort of life than the one she had envisioned, but she had adapted and even flourished. She had overcome petty issues of trust in the name of completing her mission. This made her resilient.
Despite her resilience in battle, no-one was perfect and Cara knew something was wrong. She knew it the instant Leo had been killed and her chest seemed to be filled with fire. Affection held no place, even between sisters in the Mord’Sith palace. Caring for one other than oneself only opened up the way to be hurt. Pleasure and pain should not be outside of one’s own hands, all Mord’Sith knew this. So the idea that Leo, so separate from herself, could cause her to feel this ache — it was ridiculous.
She vowed not to make that mistake again. She could not change her past mistakes, but she could make sure that she never was made vulnerable like that again. The only problem was Kahlan.
She had spent many months in close quarters with Kahlan and had developed a growing respect and a quiet admiration for the Mother Confessor. It was a different sort of emotion than the irritation she suffered due to the Wizard, or the fierce loyalty and esteem she felt towards the Lord Rahl. Cara knew that if Kahlan were to die and leave her, she would be subject to the searing flames she had felt before.
This was unacceptable.
Her first form of attack would be through the Lord Rahl. Kahlan loved him and Cara planned to exploit this weakness. Kahlan was always doing foolhardy things for Richard so Cara waited through an entire morning of Richard’s patient lessons of pointless trivia about moss and mushrooms. It was a different type of torture than that taught in the Mord’Sith palace and if she didn’t have a mission, she would have left his side hours ago.
Finally, there was a break in his monologue. This was her chance. She suppressed her initial urge to call him by his proper title, knowing he preferred his name alone without any adornment. (Now was not the time to annoy a potential ally.) "Richard, you must talk to Kahlan."
"About what?" He asked, his manner jovial. He seemed to quirk his gaze in her direction, already smiling like a fool.
"She is a target now for those who serve the Keeper. She should---."
She was not able to complete her thought as Richard burst out laughing, "I think Kahlan can take care of herself."
Cara did not think this was the point. However, Richard had moved ahead to walk beside the object of their conversation and was soon holding the Mother Confessor’s hand as they hiked, signalling that their conversation was over.
Once again she rolled her eyes at his stubborn willpower. If only he had taken the throne of Rahl, he could command whole armies to protect Kahlan (she seriously doubted that the Mother Confessor would take orders, even from the Lord Rahl, which was frustrating since she desperately wanted Richard to order Kahlan to be more careful).
She would need a new tactic so she slowed her pace in order to let Zedd catch up.
"Wizard. I wish to speak with you."
"Why, Cara, what a pleasant sur---"
"Is there a spell to safeguard one from harm?" She interrupted, keen to miss another of his rambling lectures. (The old man could be useful at times, but took a dreadfully long time explaining himself. You would think someone so close to death would be more efficient with the time he had left.)
"I would not think a Mord’Sith such as yourself, would need one."
"It is not for me."
"Ah, you wish to look after Richard when he is out of your sight."
Rather than set him straight, she looked straight ahead, simply saying, "Something like that."
"I can look into it, there are ancients texts---"
"You do that." She said, brusquely, speeding up again. She had laid the groundwork and moved on to other things that needed her attention.
Later that evening, she suspected that one or both of the men had gone to Kahlan with questions because Kahlan sat down next to her, her face looking like the definition of "serene concern" in the firelight. Cara wondered if Kahlan had been taught how to school her expressions like this and if it actually worked on people.
"Cara, is something wrong?"
"Well, my stomach is empty. For the third night in a row." She glared at Zedd while saying this, whose turn it was to hunt.
"I mean, are you worried about anything? Or have something on your mind?"
"How perceptive you are, Confessor, asking if I could possibly be unsettled the night before a big raid. Clearly your skills of reading the Mord’Sith are improving," Cara retorted, her voice filled with sarcasm.
"Cara, if you ever want to talk, please know that I’m here for you."
Talking and bonding with Kahlan was counter-productive to her mission. She would only be an effective member of their team if she was no longer distracted. She had to eradicate the attachment Kahlan had already burdened her with, not increase her sensitivity so that their parting would be even more painful.
Cara refused as politely as a Mord’Sith could.
Three days later, Cara returned to their makeshift camp only to find Kahlan missing. She dropped the wood she had been carrying and took measured and determined steps down the path Richard had last seen Kahlan. She came up on Kahlan, who was crouched over a bluff, looking down at the path that led to the enemy camp.
What did she think she was doing, out here all alone! Obstinate, headstrong fool! Rather than release her energy, she bottled it up, letting the rage fuel her. She breathed in, calming her features and regulating her voice.
"Kahlan, you are needed back at camp. Richard would like your opinion."
"I’m sure he can handle it. What we can’t handle, however, is an attack from the rear. I needed to check out if this route was a viable threat. It is vital information and I didn’t think anyone would miss me, so I went to investigate."
"What if you were shot by an advance scout? Or attacked by a horde of Banelings?"
The Mord’Sith rarely make full eye-contact with anyone except during training or fighting. They never back down from the implied contest of direct eye-contact, but often prefer to scrutinize their enemy with stealth rather than brazenly challenge an opponent.
Kahlan made a study of her face and Cara felt strangely hot and uneasy under the Mother Confessor’s unrelenting stare.
"Cara, this is more than simply safety concerns. Please. Tell me what’s troubling you."
Betrayed by her mouth, Cara heard the words bubble out of her like a pot boiling over.
"I can’t do it again! I won’t!"
Kahlan seemed confused, but was silent, apparently determined to wait Cara out. After many painful minutes, Cara spoke. It was simply to end the awkward void between them.
"I was forced to experience what it was like to lose someone that...whom I was close with. It was..."
Cara paused. She had endured through days of torture at the hands of an agiel, yet this was vastly more uncomfortable. She turned her eyes to the sky, unable to see Kahlan’s face as the revelation hit her.
"I do not wish to experience that again." Cara spat out quickly, ready for the conversation to be over. "It’s just that...you are the only person whom it would pain me to lose..."
"Oh, Cara," Kahlan started with the pitying tone of a schoolteacher who knew more than the student. Cara had the fleeting desire to punch her but Mord’Sith are nothing if not perfectly in control over their base desires.
"Caring for someone isn’t something you have to tolerate. Affection isn’t something that you can plan or avoid. Passion and friendship are gifts from the Creator and we should rejoice in them. Love makes us stronger, Cara."
She could not be here anymore. Kahlan wanted to talk about feelings. She looked left to the path from where she had come. "All I require is a promise that you will at least try to take this into consideration when next sticking your neck out for no good reason."
She turned her back to Kahlan and breathed in a silent and imperceptible sigh of relief when Kahlan gave her word, knowing that the Mother Confessor was one to keep a promise.
She didn’t care what Kahlan said; she was in control of who she would care about in the future (no one if she could help it). She may not be able to change who she had already let herself form an attachment to, but at least she could be secure that she had made a good choice when making her mistake.
Kahlan would not let her down.
(like what you see? watch this comm!)
Rating: PG
Character(s): Cara (slight Cara/Kahlan)
Spoilers: post 2x10 “Perdition”
Summary: How perceptive you are, Confessor, asking if I could possibly be unsettled the night before a big raid. Clearly your skills of reading the Mord’Sith are improving.
Word Count: 1,500
AN: Huge thanks go out to
hjea, who beta'd this. She taught me grammar and put up with my crazy tense changes. She is a peach! Any remaining mistakes are purely my own. AN2: This is my first time writing Cara and it was difficult, (you really have to use a whole different vocabulary when delving into her mindset) but ultimately fun!
Cara was proud to be Mord’Sith. She knew she was needed and that gave her purpose. She knew that she was strong when others were weak and that gave her satisfaction. She had survived a great upheaval in her life, one that had torn asunder her beliefs and her family. She was living a very different sort of life than the one she had envisioned, but she had adapted and even flourished. She had overcome petty issues of trust in the name of completing her mission. This made her resilient.
Despite her resilience in battle, no-one was perfect and Cara knew something was wrong. She knew it the instant Leo had been killed and her chest seemed to be filled with fire. Affection held no place, even between sisters in the Mord’Sith palace. Caring for one other than oneself only opened up the way to be hurt. Pleasure and pain should not be outside of one’s own hands, all Mord’Sith knew this. So the idea that Leo, so separate from herself, could cause her to feel this ache — it was ridiculous.
She vowed not to make that mistake again. She could not change her past mistakes, but she could make sure that she never was made vulnerable like that again. The only problem was Kahlan.
She had spent many months in close quarters with Kahlan and had developed a growing respect and a quiet admiration for the Mother Confessor. It was a different sort of emotion than the irritation she suffered due to the Wizard, or the fierce loyalty and esteem she felt towards the Lord Rahl. Cara knew that if Kahlan were to die and leave her, she would be subject to the searing flames she had felt before.
This was unacceptable.
Her first form of attack would be through the Lord Rahl. Kahlan loved him and Cara planned to exploit this weakness. Kahlan was always doing foolhardy things for Richard so Cara waited through an entire morning of Richard’s patient lessons of pointless trivia about moss and mushrooms. It was a different type of torture than that taught in the Mord’Sith palace and if she didn’t have a mission, she would have left his side hours ago.
Finally, there was a break in his monologue. This was her chance. She suppressed her initial urge to call him by his proper title, knowing he preferred his name alone without any adornment. (Now was not the time to annoy a potential ally.) "Richard, you must talk to Kahlan."
"About what?" He asked, his manner jovial. He seemed to quirk his gaze in her direction, already smiling like a fool.
"She is a target now for those who serve the Keeper. She should---."
She was not able to complete her thought as Richard burst out laughing, "I think Kahlan can take care of herself."
Cara did not think this was the point. However, Richard had moved ahead to walk beside the object of their conversation and was soon holding the Mother Confessor’s hand as they hiked, signalling that their conversation was over.
Once again she rolled her eyes at his stubborn willpower. If only he had taken the throne of Rahl, he could command whole armies to protect Kahlan (she seriously doubted that the Mother Confessor would take orders, even from the Lord Rahl, which was frustrating since she desperately wanted Richard to order Kahlan to be more careful).
She would need a new tactic so she slowed her pace in order to let Zedd catch up.
"Wizard. I wish to speak with you."
"Why, Cara, what a pleasant sur---"
"Is there a spell to safeguard one from harm?" She interrupted, keen to miss another of his rambling lectures. (The old man could be useful at times, but took a dreadfully long time explaining himself. You would think someone so close to death would be more efficient with the time he had left.)
"I would not think a Mord’Sith such as yourself, would need one."
"It is not for me."
"Ah, you wish to look after Richard when he is out of your sight."
Rather than set him straight, she looked straight ahead, simply saying, "Something like that."
"I can look into it, there are ancients texts---"
"You do that." She said, brusquely, speeding up again. She had laid the groundwork and moved on to other things that needed her attention.
Later that evening, she suspected that one or both of the men had gone to Kahlan with questions because Kahlan sat down next to her, her face looking like the definition of "serene concern" in the firelight. Cara wondered if Kahlan had been taught how to school her expressions like this and if it actually worked on people.
"Cara, is something wrong?"
"Well, my stomach is empty. For the third night in a row." She glared at Zedd while saying this, whose turn it was to hunt.
"I mean, are you worried about anything? Or have something on your mind?"
"How perceptive you are, Confessor, asking if I could possibly be unsettled the night before a big raid. Clearly your skills of reading the Mord’Sith are improving," Cara retorted, her voice filled with sarcasm.
"Cara, if you ever want to talk, please know that I’m here for you."
Talking and bonding with Kahlan was counter-productive to her mission. She would only be an effective member of their team if she was no longer distracted. She had to eradicate the attachment Kahlan had already burdened her with, not increase her sensitivity so that their parting would be even more painful.
Cara refused as politely as a Mord’Sith could.
Three days later, Cara returned to their makeshift camp only to find Kahlan missing. She dropped the wood she had been carrying and took measured and determined steps down the path Richard had last seen Kahlan. She came up on Kahlan, who was crouched over a bluff, looking down at the path that led to the enemy camp.
What did she think she was doing, out here all alone! Obstinate, headstrong fool! Rather than release her energy, she bottled it up, letting the rage fuel her. She breathed in, calming her features and regulating her voice.
"Kahlan, you are needed back at camp. Richard would like your opinion."
"I’m sure he can handle it. What we can’t handle, however, is an attack from the rear. I needed to check out if this route was a viable threat. It is vital information and I didn’t think anyone would miss me, so I went to investigate."
"What if you were shot by an advance scout? Or attacked by a horde of Banelings?"
The Mord’Sith rarely make full eye-contact with anyone except during training or fighting. They never back down from the implied contest of direct eye-contact, but often prefer to scrutinize their enemy with stealth rather than brazenly challenge an opponent.
Kahlan made a study of her face and Cara felt strangely hot and uneasy under the Mother Confessor’s unrelenting stare.
"Cara, this is more than simply safety concerns. Please. Tell me what’s troubling you."
Betrayed by her mouth, Cara heard the words bubble out of her like a pot boiling over.
"I can’t do it again! I won’t!"
Kahlan seemed confused, but was silent, apparently determined to wait Cara out. After many painful minutes, Cara spoke. It was simply to end the awkward void between them.
"I was forced to experience what it was like to lose someone that...whom I was close with. It was..."
Cara paused. She had endured through days of torture at the hands of an agiel, yet this was vastly more uncomfortable. She turned her eyes to the sky, unable to see Kahlan’s face as the revelation hit her.
"I do not wish to experience that again." Cara spat out quickly, ready for the conversation to be over. "It’s just that...you are the only person whom it would pain me to lose..."
"Oh, Cara," Kahlan started with the pitying tone of a schoolteacher who knew more than the student. Cara had the fleeting desire to punch her but Mord’Sith are nothing if not perfectly in control over their base desires.
"Caring for someone isn’t something you have to tolerate. Affection isn’t something that you can plan or avoid. Passion and friendship are gifts from the Creator and we should rejoice in them. Love makes us stronger, Cara."
She could not be here anymore. Kahlan wanted to talk about feelings. She looked left to the path from where she had come. "All I require is a promise that you will at least try to take this into consideration when next sticking your neck out for no good reason."
She turned her back to Kahlan and breathed in a silent and imperceptible sigh of relief when Kahlan gave her word, knowing that the Mother Confessor was one to keep a promise.
She didn’t care what Kahlan said; she was in control of who she would care about in the future (no one if she could help it). She may not be able to change who she had already let herself form an attachment to, but at least she could be secure that she had made a good choice when making her mistake.
Kahlan would not let her down.
(like what you see? watch this comm!)
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no subject
Date: 2010-02-05 12:12 am (UTC)HA, Oh god I'm still killing myself laughing. :DDD
This is just as amazing as last night--it's Carific! You get to run through the gamut of changing emotions with Cara here, pride and sadness and irritation and concern, and it's still so flipping funny and dry! The perfect Cara combo. I don't think I said before how I love the description of Mord'Sith not usually making eye-contact. It's so true that Cara usually sizes up people from the sidelines, but it's not something I think I would have noticed on my own. And I also just love that no matter how worried Cara is for Kahlan, she still wants to punch her for talking about feelings. Lulz. I love them.
AND I LOVE YOUR FIC. OBVIOUSLY. *runs away with it*
no subject
Date: 2010-02-05 03:05 am (UTC)Also, I agree with what you said earlier, I really like how the show is slowly evolving their friendship from a place of mutual (and perhaps grudging) respect and admiration.
Kahlan may look for what is on the surface of a person, but I think that Cara tries to observe people before dealing with them so she has an advantage by the time they finally turn their attention to her. I bet that she does a lot of peripheral judging.